Since the articles and comments on the site are really serious I thought I’d give you guys the chance to lighten the mood a little with a page to post political jokes.
Feel free to post comments on amusing political things, real or not.
David
UK Local and General Election Debate
UK General Election site is not affiliated with any political party including Labour, Conservative, Liberal Democrats, UKIP, Greens, BNP
Political News- MP Early Day Motions : Yeadon Liberal Club Centenary Anniversary
- MP Early Day Motions : Recognition Of Women’s Contribution To World War 1 And World War 2
- MP Early Day Motions : Avro Aircraft Factory
- MP Early Day Motions : 65th Anniversary Of The National Health Service
- MP Early Day Motions : Short Walks ? Type 2 Diabetes Prevention
- MP Early Day Motions : Tackling Dog Attacks On Postmen And Postwomen
- Conservative Party News : 1.3 million more private sector jobs across the UK in the last 3 years
- Conservative Party News : Campaign launched to secure a referendum on the EU for the British people
- MP Early Day Motions : Air Passenger Duty
- MP Early Day Motions : Graduated Driving Licences
166 responses to Political Jokes
Have the people who judge before viewing learned their lesson yet ?
Let’s See :
It’s called humour but its educational too ;-)
David Cameron watching out for us all
Does a hung parliament mean G Broon and his crew will be hung?
Hopefully, that would be great!
I don’t know about hung, but i’d certainly like him not to be PM come the end of the election.
YOU RACIST YOU SHOULS GO DIE IN A HOLE
President Obama ordered 30,000 more troops in Afghanistan to fight the Taliban, but on an 18-month timetable. In a related story, the Taliban announced they are on a 19-month timetable.
Jay Leno
Funny Political Quotes
John Prescott -- The Green Belt is a Labour initiative and we intend to build on it.
Harriet Harman -- Tony Banks described the English fans arrested in Marseilles as brain-dead louts, that goes for me as well.
Boris Johnson -- Yes, cannabis is dangerous, but no more than other perfectly legal drugs. It’s time for a rethink, and the Tory party, the funkiest, most jiving party on Earth is where it’s happening.
Political Jokes
…and God said to his Labour candidate ‘come forth
and multiply’
but she came 5th with 301 votes;
…and God lost the money for her deposit.
Gordon Brown was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the Prime Minister if he would like to lead the discussion on the word “tragedy”.
So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a “tragedy”.
One little boy stood up and offered: “If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field & a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a ‘tragedy’”.
“No,” said Brown, “that would be an accident.”
A little girl raised her hand: “If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a Tragedy.”
“I’m afraid not,” explained the Prime Minister, “that’s what we would call a great loss.”
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Gordon searched the room.
“Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of Tragedy?”
Finally, at the back of the room, a small boy raised his hand…In a quiet voice he said: “If the Air plane carrying you and Mrs Brown was struck by a “friendly fire” missile & blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.”
“Fantastic!” exclaimed Gordy. “That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?”
“Well,” says the boy “it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn’t be a great loss and it probably wouldn’t be an accident either!”
Political Jokes
Big ROFLOL, very funny.
David
Great joke!
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway. Nothing is moving.
Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, “What’s going on?”
“Terrorists down the road have kidnapped Tony Blair, John Prescott, Gordon Brown and Jack Straw.
They’re asking for a £10 million ransom. Otherwise they’re going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire.
We’re going from car to car, taking up a collection.”
The driver asks, “How much is everyone giving, on average?”
“Most people are giving about a gallon.”
Political Jokes
A fellow came in for a drink and the robot asked him, ‘What’s your IQ?’ The man replied, ’150.’ So the robot proceeded to make conversation about Quantum physics, string theory, atomic chemistry, and so on. The man listened intently and thought, ‘This is really cool.’ The man decided to test the robot. He walked out the bar, turned around, and came back in for another drink.
Again, the robot asked him, ‘What’s your IQ?’ The man responded, ’100.’ So the robot started talking about football, day trading, and so on. The man thought to himself, ‘Wow, this is amazing.’ The man went out and came back in a third time.
As before, the robot asked him,’What’s your IQ?’ The man replied, ’50.’ The robot then said, ‘So, you gonna vote for Gordon Brown again?’
Political Jokes
Laughed my socks off!
deliciously cruel!
Hurt in Helmund
A UK patrol was marching in the North of Helmand Province when they came upon an insurgent, badly injured and unconscious.On the opposite side of the road was a British soldier in a similar but less serious state.
The soldier was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the patrol commander asked the injured soldier what had happened.The soldier reported, “I was moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.
I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved, and he yelled back that Gordon Brown is a fat, good-for-nothing, left wing half-blind Jock, and Lord Mandelson is a cross-dressing idiot.
So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid,
mean-spirited lesbian.
He retaliated by yelling, “Oh yeah? Well, so does Harriet Harman!”
“And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a bus hit us.”
Political Jokes
hahahaha fuking great!!!
ace! a corker!
ROFL
More about political correctness than plain politics:-
How fights START
How fights START
My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’
And then the fight started…
******************************************
My wife and I were watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, “Yes.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And then the fight started…. #
*****************************
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van,
and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage,
turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered,
“The weather out there is terrible.”
My loving wife of 5 years replied,
“Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”
And that’s how the fight started…
******************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…. He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, “I AM NOT HAPPY!!!”
So, I looked down at him and said, “Well, then which one are you?”
And then the fight started…..
*****************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started…
******************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive…
so, I took her to a petrol station.
And then the fight started…
******************************************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s License to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home & come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and
she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants.
You might have gotten disability, too.’
And then the fight started…
******************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring
at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago,
and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’
And then the fight started…
******************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason took my order first.
“I’ll have the steak, medium rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”"
Nah, she can order for herself.”
And then the fight started…
******************************************
A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, “I feel horrible;
I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
The husband replied, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’
And then the fight started…..
Political Jokes
Brilliant all great laughs.
Leave a reply to Political Jokes